Invitations-The Paper 'Ensemble'

Invitations

Probably the most complex and confusing aspect of the entire wedding is the simple piece of paper called the invitation. Certainly there is more etiquette involved in the invitation than in any other single part of the wedding.

When your guests open the invitations, they get their first taste of your wedding-it sets the stage for your wedding. By choosing textures, type, and wording that express your wedding style, you'll have guests envisioning and anticipating your wedding day as soon as they tear open the envelopes.

A save-the-date is especially critical for destination weddings or events held over a holiday weekend, and it should be sent even earlier than the six to twelve months ahead recommended for close-to-home weddings to give guests ample notice to make travel plans. While both the save-the-date and the wedding invitation will give a hint to your style, the save-the-date can be more inventive, making it perfect for playing up personalized details.

When to Order

Invitations should be ordered as soon as the wedding date and style are determined. If possible, the envelopes should be obtained early so the time-consuming task of addressing can be started before the invitations arrive. Remember to order a few extra envelopes for addressing mistakes. Also, order a few more invitations than needed.

When to Send

Invitations should be sent at least six to eight weeks in advance.

Special Invitations

Some people who should receive invitations often are overlooked for one reason or another. They include:

*The officiant who performs the ceremony (and spouse)

*The groom's parents: Even though it is obvious they are invited, the invitation serves as a memento.

*Attendants: They also should receive invitations as mementos

*Fiance(e)s and spouses: When the couple know an attendant or guest is engaged, they either know or must learn the fiance(e)'s name. The fiance(e) should receive a separate invitation.

Addressing

Both inner and outer envelopes should be addressed by hand. Calligraphy is a nice touch, but adds to the cost. Computer-generated laser-written quality addressing is acceptable.

If an inner envelope is used, it bears only the names of the people to whom it is addressed (no addresses). Some examples:

*A married couple; Mr. and Mrs. Quinn (no first names)

*Several children receiving their own invitations (not included with their parents' invitation); Melissa and Kimberly (no last names, girls first, oldest to youngest).

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*Close relatives: Aunt Mary or Nana and Pop

*Military Ranks, and titles of educated officials and clergy members should be spelled out.

Lieutenant Colonel and Mrs. Bethel

Senator and Mr. Clinton

The Rev. and Mrs. O'Brien

*Couples living together get one invitation with the inner envelope reading

Ms. Jones

Mr. Smith

or Mary and Bill if the couple is very familiar

*If a guest is allowed to bring a guest, it should read

Ms. Jones and guest

Or Mary and guest

BUT it is always better to find out the guest's name.

The outer envelope contains the mailing address. Several rules of etiquette apply here:

*Even if the bride knows both persons in a couple cannot attend, the invitation is addressed to both: "Mr. and Mrs. Harold Harper." Invitations to an unmarried couple contain both names: "Mr. Phillip Phelps" and "Ms. Nancy Smith." They should be listed alphabetically by last name, not by sex.

To a married woman doctor/ two married doctors: If the woman uses her husband's name socially, the address is "Dr. Jane and Mr. James Long." If her husband is a doctor also, the address is either "The Drs. Long" or "Drs. Jane and James Long."

If the couple is married and the woman uses a different name, then, the female is listed first. The only abbreviations used are Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Jr. Other titles, including military ranks, are spelled out.

*No abbreviations are used in the address; spell out "Street," "Avenue," Boulevard," etc. and the state. The Postal Service, however, prefers the standard two-letter state abbreviation.

Children: Those over thirteen years of age should, if possible, receive separate invitations. Young sisters and brothers may be sent a joint invitation addressed to "The Misses Smith" or "The Messrs. Jones" on the outer envelope, with "Andy, Doug, and Brian," for instance, written on the inner envelope to make it perfectly clear that all are invited. If there are both boys and girls, the outer envelop address may read:

The Messrs. Jones

The Misses Jones

If children are not receiving a separate invitation, their names may be written on a line below their parents' names on the inner envelope and do not have to be listed on the outer envelope at all. However, if no inner envelope is used, their names must be written on the outer envelope, or their parents won't know that they are included in the invitation.

For a widow, it is proper to use her husband's name on the outer envelope, "Mrs. James Smith."

The inner envelope would be "Mrs. Smith."